I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
