Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We left the knife in your bed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize