did you get engaged???
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
