You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
