It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
