walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
