I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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