the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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