she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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