I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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