a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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