I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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