I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
