Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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