i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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