Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
