she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
