Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
