I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
