oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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