I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
false alarm, still single
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
