Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
