i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
