It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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