Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
