Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
