I haven't been this sober since birth.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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