Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
