i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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