We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
