You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
