these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
