I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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