for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
