So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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