If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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