You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize