Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
