Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
