Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
