office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
