At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
