We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
