I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
