I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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