Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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