sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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