i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
