i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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