I faked an abortion last night.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
