You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
