I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
