just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
