how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
