i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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