Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
