You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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