I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And then he peed in my hair
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