I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
