She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
