I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
