I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
