i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
