I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize